Measuring progress

                Being me means the big picture is always in the back of your mind, a grand dream forming before oneself. This means I forget the little things so often and I’m envious of people who live in the moment at times. Like all great stories this one has a beginning, middle and an end. I like to see where I am in this story line. In a matter similar to selling a product to myself I measured myself on specifications and achievements. What I can do and what I have done seem like a good test of character but it always left me feeling short. If I’m twenty-one years old and can do these things and I've flown across the country chasing Joe black, I've learned of deep mysteries from the living champions of faith, I've served billionaires at horse races, I've fought with ant hill kings and God himself calls me a good friend why can I not afford a car? It’s not like my dreams end in simple transportation; I want to see the world changed when I’m done with it. I can do this but why not that? Always a question on my mind until I decided to look at the way I measure myself. It was cold outside sometime two years ago and I was hugging a friend goodbye when she told me how much I meant to her, that memory surfaced again later displaying something I missed. The true means of measuring one’s self is to look for meaningful impact in those around us. Like many things it’s a secret to life that’s encoded in the sacred texts: “1 Corinthians 13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”  Truly to count a life of value it must affect others in a positive way. When I look at how I affect others it keeps me from blaming my environment for short comings, it helps me to appreciate the individuality of people and it keeps me from pride without costing confidence.  I still feel so far from achieving my dreams, the arches of my dreams are so large some nights I walk through cathedrals of thought and While Day dreaming has its place of course, I itch with zeal and I work for what I think will matter. The more I have a positive impact on people however the more futile my personal attempts seem and the closer things come into reality.